In an earlier post, I discussed how narcissistic mothers often select one of their children as the family
scapegoat and all of the blame for issues or problems fall on that child. I also discussed
triangular communication, a tactic narcissistic mothers use to maintain control over communication between members of her family. Another tactic frequently used by narcissistic mothers is the smear campaign. From my own personal experiences, the smear campaign is used by a narcissistic parent to discredit, isolate, and invalidate the target of the campaign. Smear campaigns involve gossip and often times flat out lies spread by the narcissistic mother. My mother-in-law was so devious in her smear campaigns that she often wrapped her campaign in artificial concern for my husband and I. I was privy to some of the things she said after having conversations with another family member. Why do narcissistic mothers do this? Smear campaigns can occur for several reasons:
- You disagree with or challenge the narcissistic mother
- They are jealous of you (a common trait among narcissists)
- She doesn't like that you're independent and pulling away from her nuclear family
- You're on to her toxic ways, you're vocal about it, and she wants to discredit you
- She wants to turn other people in the family against you
In addition to artificial concern, one other devious tactic used by narcissistic mothers in their smear campaigns is mixing in a bit of truth along with their slander. Because it's already hard to believe that "dear old mother" would make up stories or flat out lie on her own children, adding in a little bit of truth along with her lies is especially wicked.
Narcissistic mothers utilize triangular communication to propagate their smear campaigns. I have witnessed firsthand the damage it can do to family members. In my case, my mother-in-law used the smear campaign to discredit, isolate, and invalidate my husband and I. When my husband and I finally realized what was going on, he attempted to speak with his brother about it. My mother-in-law had so fully engulfed my brother-in-law in the smear campaign against my husband and I that he simply refused to believe or acknowledge my husband's perspective. My husband's sister (the golden child) was even worse. She became enraged and accused my husband of being ungrateful and accused me of attempting to destroy her family. Their reactions made it clear that my mother-in-law's smear campaign was indeed a success.
